my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
