I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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