Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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