I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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