Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
