i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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