I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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