I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
