So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
