A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
