I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
