Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.

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(303): View more from Colorado

if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

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(773): View more from Illinois

She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

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(316): View more from Kansas

toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.

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(+34): View more from Spain

what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30

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(602): View more from Arizona

If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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(818): View more from California

I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

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(614): View more from Ohio

The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??

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