You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
