did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
