I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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