Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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