I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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