i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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