Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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