I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
