good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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