My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
