Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
