he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
