I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
