I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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