So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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