so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
