So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
