Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
