If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
