Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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