Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize