32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
