Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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