I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
