Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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