I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
