I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
