so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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