Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
