Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
