jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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