Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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