Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
