a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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