I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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