I'm lost and stupid without you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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