Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
