2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
