you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
