got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
