i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
