Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
