he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
