I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
