Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
