hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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