Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
