saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
