btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
