beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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