he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
