Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need a burrito and a hug.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ok first of all what the fuck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
