It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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